Well, we officially have a 4 year old. The night before her birthday I had a real flash back to the evening before her birth. My waters breaking whilst I was at the pub with my NCT group. How we had been joking about me going into labour that night and what Luke would do if I called him mid-service. That joke quickly became a reality. Strangely I felt completely calm. The other girls frantically coming up with plans of how they could get me home and what I should do next, but I felt amazingly tranquil. I have always enjoyed hearing peoples birth stories, and throughout the whole pregnancy I had been so excited to finally have my own. There was no fear, there was no panic, I felt totally ready to meet our mystery baby.
Every birthday of hers that we have had so far has me feeling a mix of emotions. None of the ones I would expect. No sadness that my baby is growing up. No fear that time is moving too quickly. Just pure internal pressure that I am putting on myself and my family for the day to be perfect. This does not mean that I have everything planned and want it to run with military precision. In fact, we actively plan very little on the girls’ birthdays, yet I still beat myself up all day long that it’s not brilliant enough.
Aurora’s birthday landed right in the middle of when we were having out bathroom done, so the house was a dusty mess, Luna’s cot is still in our bedroom as we took the opportunity to have her bedroom plastered at the same time and are now gradually getting the painting done, with any spare moment we have. The heater and curtains are both off the wall and all her furniture is on the landing. The house is more chaotic than I like. The weather was cold, although luckily not wet, so we did manage to get out with her new bike.
I did not realise that children couldn’t instinctively pedal. I had no idea that was a thing! I couldn’t hide my frustration at how she was not getting it?!
It was freezing, Luna had developed a cold the previous day, it was her nap time, but she is not much of a pram napper, and for some unknown reason there was cat poo absolutely everywhere. I had enough and took Luna back home.
Why could I not just appreciate the essence of the moment. Understand Aurora’s frustration with the pedals and calmly encourage her. I felt so awful for the rest of the day that I kept asking her if she had had a good day. She continually told me that she had and that her favourite part was riding her new bike. She turned to me a few times during the day and thanked me for her birthday. That was really heart-warming and did make me feel a little better.
I’m currently reading ‘Happy Mind, Happy Life’, the book I had mentioned before, and luckily my mum had a copy that she had not yet read, so has leant it to me. I am discovering the reasons I think and feel the way I do, as well as some techniques and advice to help. Trying to live ‘in the present moment’ a lot more is helping, but it is definitely something I have to consciously try to do.
The part I read last night spoke about finding an activity where you could enter ‘the flow’, where time stops existing, and you are completely immersed. I originally thought that I didn’t have anything.
I enjoy knitting, but rarely get totally lost in it, as I am usually following a pattern, or counting each stitch, so there is still an amount of concentration involved.
I like yoga but have never surpassed the ‘ahh this position hurts’ stage.
I like reading, I like making cards, I like doing crafts with Aurora, but I still don’t often get ‘lost’ in any of those that much. Initially I assumed this was because I simply don’t have the time to. I don’t feel as though I have the time to get lost in a book, I may read a chapter before bed, or try and read a few pages while the girls are engaged in something else, but it’s not enough time to really get lost in it.
We have unfortunately been hit by a sickness bug. It has got to Aurora first, starting yesterday evening and making for a disturbed night. She has therefore been more sleepy than usual today, so while she and Luna both napped this afternoon, I thought I would help with the work Luke has been doing and paint some of Luna’s room. Luckily Luke had already painted the first coat, and done a second coat of the cutting in, so all I had to do was one more coat with the roller, but I absolutely loved it.
It bought back the memory of working as a visual merchandiser in Camp Hopson, painting the windows over and over again for different scenes that we were creating. I had no clue how much time had passed but I was in my element!
To follow on from that, I then pulled everything out of our cleaning cupboard to sort through, reorganise and put back. Again, one of my favourite jobs. It doesn’t matter what the subject is that I am organising, it truly is my favourite thing to do. So, without even trying, I have manged to find 2 tasks within one afternoon that bring my pure happiness and are relatively easy to do regularly. It’s just finding the time to do it around the girls, but maybe putting in the effort to make the time will be worth it, as it’ll be strengthening my core happiness.
I’m making a conscious effort to put my phone dowo more. It sounds so silly that has to be something I actively think about, but it’s’ such a habit to pick it up and mindlessly scroll. When I’m immersed in something I don’t even think about it, but it’s those moments where my mind is a little more free to wonder, and I just instinctively reach for it. On Tuesday, our family day, I suggested that Luke and I don’t use our phones at all until after 9am (something I read recently said you should try and not use them between 9pm – 9am) and it made such a difference to our morning! Who would have thought! We were both a lot more present, the girls were easier to deal with and we all had a really nice breakfast time and then a play in the living room afterwards. Luke then went off to paint, and I read my book, read to Luna and helped Aurora with her magazine. It’s definitely the first step to feeling more grounded, more aware, and more present.
I had thought that Aurora’s sickness had passed, as she had only been sick twice today, and not at all since midday. She had only managed a quarter of a crumpet and a breadstick all day, but then at dinner she asked for a plain wrap. That wrap then got a little cheese put in it. Then it was dipped in ketchup and mayo. Then she had a yogurt with compote.
Well, I think we may have run before we could walk, and we saw all of that again before bath time. I’m hoping that it was just a case of too much too soon, and that she can sleep soundly through the night tonight. But as they were both going to bed, Luna was settling down in her cot with her milk, and then screamed out. I went in and she had been sick as well.
We’ve been so lucky really in terms of illness and have seemed to swerve most viruses, so we probably are owed one. This bug seems to be hitting everyone really hard as well! My brother and his girlfriend have had it, then my friend and her family, who we were meant to see at the weekend. Then my mum, who we were staying with. Then my dad’s wife, who we saw on Sunday. So, it was inevitable really. Luke has been saying he feels fragile all day today, so I’m just counting the hours until it hits me too. Wish me luck!
Aurora has been so hilarious with it though; it hasn’t seemed to affect her at all. She has been cracking jokes and saying funny things, even mid-way through being sick. She had me cackling last night at some of the things she was coming out with, so I am happily taking that as she feels fine in herself, just her body is clearly repelling something!
I’m sad that she won’t be able to go to Pre School tomorrow though as it is her Christmas Party. I don’t know if she knows that, so that is the silver lining, but still.
#motherhood #mum #mom #mummy #motherofdaughters #family #raisingchildren #children #daughters #kids #babies #baby #child #kid #drama #dramatic #hints #tips #recommendation #familytime #friends #soulfood #positive #positivemind #postivementalattitude #positiveattitude #thinkpositively #goodvibes #talking #talkthingsthrough #blog #mummyblog #motherhoodblog